Rav’s story

2025 was supposed to be a year of happy milestones for my Dad and our family. My Dad was turning 60 on 18th June, it was his 40-year anniversary working on the railway as a train driver and it was my parents 35th wedding anniversary in November. Sadly, it was not the year we thought it would be. Dad passed away 5 days before his 60th birthday.

Dad had been in remission since 2017 having fought lymphoma. There hadn’t been significant signs of the cancer returning but in April Dad experienced severe back pain and after a couple of stays in hospital he was admitted in early June awaiting a biopsy, he passed 3 days after the biopsy. Whist we have not received official biopsy results; the doctors told us it was likely a return of the same cancer he had in 2016.

The last few years of my Dad’s life were difficult as he took on a care role for my Grandfather who had vascular dementia. Dad was under constant stress and worry always thinking about Grandad’s health and often neglecting himself. My Grandad passed away February 2025 at the age of 93, so whilst there was sadness, we could also celebrate the full life he was able to live. I thought Dad was now going to have time back to focus on himself and not be under constant stress, little did we know that exactly four months later we would be losing my Dad.

Since my Dad’s passing there have been a few things which have bought us comfort. One being all the stories we have heard from when he was growing up, his college days and stories from his railway family. Hearing from those who spent time with my Dad brings a real sense of pride and I realise just how lucky my sister, brother and I are to call him our Dad. A bittersweet moment was the seeing the two plaques put up in my Dad’s memory in Wolverhampton train station where he worked and Bescot Station where he began his career.

My Dad was a big music fan with some of his favourite artists being David Bowie and Pink Floyd. He always loved making a Spotify playlist and sharing it with anyone who would listen. As a family we can now take comfort in listening to his playlists and it helps us feel that little bit closer to him.

Since the passing of my Dad, I have often felt disconnected from those around me.  There’s the expectation to be the person you were before but people who have not been through this experience don’t understand that grief and loss change you fundamentally and I am just a different person now. I am finding it challenging to know who I am after this loss and how as a family we rebuild our life. I have learnt it’s important to be patient with yourself and take each day as it comes.

Sometimes I find myself pretending that I am okay or diminishing my feelings as I don’t want to make my friends or colleagues feel uncomfortable but this isn’t helpful in the long term as it just bottles up your emotions. It’s clear you cannot rush grief and as difficult as it may be, you need to feel all the emotions.

I am turning 30 this year and I never thought I’d be entering this next chapter of my life without my Dad. People ask me what I want to do for my birthday and my goals for the future but my mind is blank and I have nothing to say.

Its difficult to plan or think about the future in the early stages of grief, partly because you have first-hand experience that the future isn’t promised but also because you don’t really know what it is you want anymore. 

I find comfort in hearing from other people who have been through parent loss at a young age as I feel there is an unspoken understanding and you just get each other.  It also gives you hope for the future when you see others who have been through this still progressing through life.  I hope in time, I can start to move forward and start living life for my Dad because time really is precious.