Lucy’s story
My name is Lucy, I’m 25 and I lost my mum nearly two years ago in the summer of 2024. In early 2023, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer somewhat out of the blue. I was in my final year of university and my little brother was several months into his first year.
She was always very fit and healthy so the diagnosis felt impossible to accept and only started to feel real when her treatment started. The physical changes and pain you see someone go through when they receive chemotherapy can be distressing to say the least, and I still carry a lot of the mental load from that time.
I remember taking the train home one weekend from London, knowing Mum had been rushed into hospital again (it had become a semi-regular occurrence throughout both rounds of treatment) only to be met at the station by my dad who told me there was nothing more the doctors could do. Mum was moved to the hospice and passed away a few weeks later, just several days after her 57th birthday.
The weeks that followed are such a blur that honestly I don’t remember much. I was very lucky that my dad took charge of her post-death admin such as the death certificate, funeral and finances.
We had a small funeral with just family and a select few family friends as that was what she wanted. A month later we had a celebration of life for all her friends and wider family.
In the first few months after losing my mum, everyone rallied around my family. The difficult part moving forward is that the world continues to turn and as you start to adjust to life without someone, everyone else goes back to their lives.
The first year, I was in a sort of survival mode I’m only just starting to unpick now. It was a year of shock, feeling completely adrift and searching for meaning.
I don’t think grief is something we ever ‘get over’ but I do think something that has helped me is making my life bigger. Going to new places, trying new activities, meeting new people.
The past two years have seen a lot of change in my life. I quit my job, left London, applied for a far-fetched masters, went solo backpacking for several months in South America, moved to the coast working in a café, moved back to London, completed that far-fetched masters, and now I find myself here.
Grief at any age is life-altering, but I found that being exposed to it in my early 20s, which is a confusing time at best, made everything feel all the more disorientating. Many would argue that your 20s are generally a time to work hard and build a career but I found myself unsure about what I wanted to do. Knowing life can be short has made me reluctant to settle for a career I don’t enjoy.
I’m not exactly sure what is next for me or where I’ll go next but I’ve met many versions of myself since losing my mum, and I’m sure I’ve yet to meet many more. Sometimes all I want is to ask Mum for her advice, and I often wonder what she would make of it all.
I’m very pleased to be part of It’s Time. To be able to create content, which could make at least one person feel less alone with their experience, means the world to me.