What Netflix’s ONE DAY can teach us about grief.

Based on the 2009 novel by David Nicholls of the same name, One Day was made into a film in 2011 starring Anne Hathaway, before Netflix safely delivered it to our screens in February 2024, to fill the Normal People shaped hole in our hearts. The series tells the love story of Dex and Em over the decades as they reunite on the same day every year. However, it is no soppy love story. One Day explores the complexity of friendships and the challenges of finding your way, but also the passing of time and how life can quickly change and fluctuate. Imagine this, but dripping in the nostalgia of the late eighties, nineties and early noughties. A true recipe for success.

Before I go any further, I must warn you that this blog post will contain SPOILERS. So if you have not yet blessed your life with this binge-worthy viewing, I bid you farewell, take this as your queue to do so….

If you’re still here, let’s dive into a part of the show that is perhaps less obvious, but still a key theme that shapes character’s lives and trajectory - One Day’s depiction of grief. 

Throughout the 14-episodes series, Dexter, the male lead, loses both his mother (from what we can infer is a terminal illness) and Em, his soulmate (or girlfriend if you’re less of a hopeless romantic). Although the show never explicitly examines Dexter’s grief, it is clear to us that his emotions are in turmoil. But it’s the last episode, where Dexter’s friends and family gather around him to mark the anniversary of Emma’s death, that really paints a picture of loss and deep grief.

We see an odd concoction of Dexter’s family, ex wife, Emma’s friends, and her ex boyfriend all come together to be with him on the day of Emma’s death. There is an awkwardness about this, as they’re all huddled together on the sofa - these people who ordinarily would not mix - trying to think of the right thing to say. They may not have the words (does anyone?) but they turn up. They do what they can to be there for Dexter, even when they’re not sure what this looks like. There’s not much talking, or demonstrations of extreme sadness, but their presence is enough, and clearly valued. 

When his friends and family are gone, Dexter takes himself up into the room where all of Emma’s belongings are kept - safely stowed away in boxes. The memory of Emma appears and sits with him in his despair. She tells him that it won’t always feel like this, that his pain and grief will change as the hand of time goes on. As One Day illustrates, time carries on, and days turn into years. We live with these reminders and memories, just as Dexter did. But our loved ones who we’ve lost are forever etched into the stories of our life. Just like Emma was in Dexters. This can’t be undone, even with the passing of time. 

As the episode progresses, we see Dexter visiting Edinburgh, where the pair first met, and the beginning scene of their love story. As he visits key places that mark his memories, we are shown glimpses of the first episode that we didn’t initially see. It’s as if his brain is revealing these once lost memories of Emma back into his awareness, and he smiles as he recalls their happy times together. Sometimes, memories of our loved ones make us cry. Other times, like Dexter in the final scene, we are able to smile and be grateful for the person we’ve lost. 

The journey of Dexter’s grief is not marked by stages, or feeling ‘better or worse’, but is very much depicted as a path he is continually traveling. There are moments of extreme, gut-wrenching pain, and there are also reminiscent smiles and laughter at Emma’s memory. These go hand in hand as he continues to navigate his life alongside his loss. There is no resolution to the story, no happy ending as such, but we get to see a sense of hope as Dexter continues on his journey with grief and acceptance.

In an earlier episode, Dexter’s father makes a profound comment about how he is able to go on after the death of his wife. He simply says:

‘You have to live everyday as if they’re still here.’ 

Whether that’s by talking to them, visiting their favourite places, or doing the things they loved, you’re carrying them with you. It’s impossible for you not to.