Looking after your mental health at university

Being at University is a time like no other. For many of us, it signifies our first taste of ‘freedom’ away from the comforts (and confines) of our hometowns, and the beginning of some resemblance of adult life. While it is a time to embrace the lack of responsibility and routine, university can also be a very isolating place when you’re struggling with your mental health. Watching your peers and friends enjoy their university experience when you’re finding things more challenging can be disheartening. We’re sold this narrative of parties and socials, making friends, and exploring a new place (with a touch of studying on the side) - when in reality, university can bring a whole set of difficulties and loneliness that can impact your mental well-being. 

It can be especially lonely if you’ve lost a loved one - whether that’s years ago or during your studies. Navigating this unknown territory while also navigating your grief is no mean feat. Usually in the minority of people who’ve experienced loss at such a young age, people don’t often know what to say, or how to best support you, and this in itself can be hard. Trying to make new friends and be yourself, whilst also not trying to ‘scare’ anyone off by mentioning your grief, is a pretty tricky act to play. 

As with any season of life, it is so important to look after yourself and your mental health while at university to ensure you can make the most of this time, or even just get through it. There are things that both you and your tutors can do to make sure you have the support and adjustments in place to best set you up for success. 

Speak to your tutors

Although this can feel scary, and perhaps quite official and formal, being open with your tutors about your situation can ease some of the academic burden you might feel when you’re struggling with grief. In many cases, they can offer extensions on deadlines, class notes, or recordings of lectures that you miss. You don’t have to go into immense detail or divulge any information you don’t want to, but keeping them in the loop means they are aware of what you’re going through and can put measures in place to support you throughout your studies. You may not need these extra measures, but knowing they’re there if you do, can be extremely comforting. 

Self-care 

Although self-care has become a bit of a cliche as of late, its value cannot be underestimated. Whether you’re at home, at university, or in a full-time job, if you’re not making time for yourself, it’s easy to let your mental health slip. Whether that’s a long bath (less likely if you’re living in student halls), a movie instead of a club, or a walk around your favourite park, making time for the things that give you joy is an easy way to add positivity to your daily life. Let's not forget to get enough sleep, eat your greens, and drink plenty of water - they sound boring, but it’s all about balance!

Talking about it

Now, before you roll your eyes and scroll away, hear me out. I know what you’re thinking - ‘We’re at university, people don’t want to hear about my dead parent and how I’m sad and grieving’. But I'll tell you what, they probably would rather you told them when you feel comfortable, than in the club toilets crying because you’ve been bottling it up so much and it’s all come out after a few vodka lemonades…. 

It’s not always easy opening up to new people, but trust me when I say that actually, being open and honest about our feelings and experiences (this applies to grief and lots of other things) is the best way to connect and deepen relationships. Just allowing someone to listen to how you’re feeling can lighten the load just a little bit, and help verbalise some of the emotions you might be feeling. They won’t fix or solve your problems, but you might just feel better for getting the words out of your head. 

Comparison is the thief of joy (don’t do it!)

As hard as it may be, don’t compare your university experience to other people. It’s crazy how quickly we can convince ourselves we’re having a worse time than everyone else as soon as we start comparing. But in reality, we’re likely seeing everyone else highlight reels. What you don't see is their struggles, lonely nights, and down moments - even if their Instagram seems to say otherwise. Grief can weigh you down in a way that makes other people's lives seem light. But try not to give into the comparison game, because you can never win. 

Knowing when to say no

This one might seem controversial, as we’re often told to embrace this time at university and say yes to everything, but this isn’t always the case. Beginning to learn your boundaries - and when another night out is not a good idea - is one of the most valuable skills you can learn. Being with friends can help lighten feelings of grief, and remind you of the joys of life outside of academia, but choosing to protect your mental health (or just getting a good night's sleep) instead of a party can sometimes be the better option.

It’s important to recognise that getting through university while you're grieving, at whatever stage you are at, is extremely difficult - we don’t need to pretend it’s not. Many people find this an extremely challenging time without the added sting of grief. You’re doing well just turning up, and it’s essential to remember that. Take your time, know your boundaries, be kind to yourself, and talk to the people you trust. 

Putting plans into action to look after yourself is one of the most valuable things you can do.