New Year, same grief
When the new year finally rolls around, it brings with it a whole set of expectations. A fresh calendar year seems to be indicative of new beginnings and an opportunity for change. People take up new hobbies, make new goals (both realistic and irrational), and attempt to set themselves up for success come the end of the Christmas period. With these goals comes a certain amount of pressure, from both ourselves and society.
‘What’s your New Year’s Resolution?’ becomes a line sprinkled into general conversations, and it seems actively taking steps towards these ideals has become the norm. Obviously, for some people the New Year can be just the push they need to start that new hobby, or achieve their goals - there’s definitely something motivating about reflecting on the year gone by and making reasonable adjustments to make the next even better. However, approaching the end of a year and facing the beginning of a new one, can be massively daunting and can bring up all kinds of emotions.
It’s as if you’re standing on the edge of a cliff, looking far off into the distance, everything looks so far away and you can’t quite make out what’s ahead. Meanwhile people are making, what can often feel like, menial goals for the new year, while you’re trying to just survive the wave and stay afloat.
Leaving another year behind can feel like leaving your loved one behind with it. Memories drift further away as the years pass by and facing a whole new year of grief can be overwhelming. I think in many ways, as someone missing a parent, I dread the new year more than Christmas. Although the festive period is hard in its own way, the New Year provides its own challenges. All I can think about is what I’ve lost, and I’d wonder how many more years I’d feel that emptiness at the end of another festive season.
New Year’s can feel like a blank slate, but when you’re grieving, you may not have the excitement or enthusiasm to start afresh in new and exciting ways. You may just want to carry your feelings through, really feel them, and survive another day. Don’t be fooled into thinking you need to become someone new, or that you need to move on in any way. Some people find reflecting on the year gone by very therapeutic, while for others it can be too emotionally difficult. You don’t need to fit into either camp, but thinking about what parts of the year you would like to take with you (these can be negative feelings or painful memories) and which ones you’d like to leave behind, can be helpful.
Always ensure you are looking after your own health (physical and mental), and doing all the things that maximize your own well-being - this includes getting enough sleep as well as plenty of fresh air and engaging in things that bring you both joy and comfort. Take your time to approach the new year in whatever way feels right for you, and be open with your loved ones about how you’re feeling. Remembering your loved one with others can help bring their memory into the new year, or taking some personal time to think about what qualities of them you’d like to remember can help bring their legacy in your everyday life.
New year doesn’t mean ‘no more grief’. As years pass and seasons change, our grief and loss will evolve and change shape. This doesn't mean it’ll hurt any less, or events like the new year won’t bring back difficult memories. But you’ll find ways to carry it with you, into every new situation, environment, and years to come.
