How Music Helped Us Find Our Way Through Grief

Music has always been a huge part of our lives.

My wife Carla and I have always loved going to gigs, discovering new artists, listening to records and being involved in music in whatever way we can. I'm a DJ and play guitar, while Carla has recently started learning bass. We also share a love of photography, particularly when we're at live shows. Music has always been something that brings us together.

But over the last couple of years, music became something much more important.

In the months before Carla lost her mum in May, life had become incredibly difficult. Her mum had been diagnosed with a very aggressive form of gynaecological cancer, and Carla spent a huge amount of time rushing between appointments, helping to look after her mum and simply trying to make sure she was okay. Watching somebody you love go through something like that is incredibly difficult, and the pressure took a huge toll on Carla emotionally.

Then, when her mum passed away, the reality of grief arrived.

There is no straightforward way of explaining grief to somebody who hasn't experienced it. It can feel like everything has suddenly changed, while the rest of the world carries on as normal. I could see how difficult things were becoming for Carla, and I wanted to find something that could give her a reason to get up, focus her energy somewhere and, even if only for a little while, give her something positive to look forward to.

We started talking about things we'd always wanted to do when we were younger. Carla mentioned that she'd always wanted to do journalism.

So I said, "Why don't we just start writing music reviews?"

Her response was simple: "But we don't have anywhere to put them."

And that was the beginning of Beyond the Noise.

It started incredibly simply. We created somewhere to put our reviews, and then it slowly became much more than that. We've started interviewing bands, photographing gigs, discovering new artists and giving smaller and emerging bands a platform.

We're not trying to turn it into something massive. There isn't a grand plan to make it a huge business or become famous within the music industry. We just wanted somewhere to celebrate music we love and give people who are perhaps still finding their feet as artists a little bit of exposure.

For Carla, though, it has become something really meaningful.

It has given her something to focus on that isn't grief. It has given her a reason to get excited about going to a gig, a reason to pick up her camera and take photographs, and a reason to sit down and write. It has allowed her to put some of the passion and energy that she has always had for music into something creative and positive.

Of course, it hasn't made the grief disappear. Nothing could do that.

But it has given her somewhere to put some of it.

Music itself has also been a huge part of how Carla has processed everything. She has always loved Fall Out Boy and indie, rock and pop-punk music, and lately she's found herself listening to music that helps her express some of the emotions that are difficult to put into words.

She's listened to a lot of Gender Roles, whose heavier edge has given her somewhere to channel some of the anger and frustration that can come with grief without being overwhelmingly heavy. She's also been listening to the Australian band Bugs, whose energetic and interesting sound has provided a welcome bit of fun.

Sometimes you don't necessarily need a song to tell you how to feel. Sometimes you just need something that understands the feeling you're already having.

That's probably what music has always done for both of us.

And ultimately, that's what Beyond the Noise has become. It's our little corner of the world where we can go to gigs, listen to music, take photographs, meet interesting people, discover new bands and keep doing something we both love.

For Carla, it's also become a reminder that life can still contain things to look forward to, even when you're carrying something as heavy as grief.

We're still learning how to navigate that grief. We probably always will.

But somewhere along the way, we found a camera, a notebook, a few guitars, a lot of records and a website — and somehow, that has helped us find our way through it together.