Supporting an Employee Through Grief - Common challenges and actions to mitigate them

Being unsure of what to say 

This is a common challenge for everyone when it comes to grief. The best approach is to be empathetic and honest. Notifying your employer of the loss of a parent can be a daunting task and maintaining communication often becomes more difficult throughout the grieving process. If you are notified by someone in your team that they have experienced a bereavement, offer them condolences and then reassure them of any initial practical worries you think they may have. 

Understanding the policies and facts 

It’s important that as a manager you understand internal policies around compassionate leave for parent loss, so that you can confidently share the facts. Let them know what they are entitled to and what additional support is available should they need more time (for example, unpaid leave or a phased return to duties). 

Understanding grief 

Grief is a complex experience that can be difficult to understand, particularly if you have never experienced it yourself. It’s important to understand that it is not linear and is unique to the individual and the loss they have encountered. You may find that one employee needs less support than another. Losing a parent as a young adult is a huge life change for someone to experience and it will take time to adjust to and navigate their new life circumstances. Researching grief and specifically parent loss, to try and gain an increased understanding is a useful way of being able to offer better-informed support to your team. 

Workload support 

From the moment you are notified that someone has experienced a bereavement, you should begin redistributing their workload and planning for their absence. Often, people may continue to work or return to work quickly as they may genuinely prefer the distraction or they may feel guilty about taking time off. It is important that people who are grieving do take time away from work to process what has happened, as remaining at work may impact their ability to do their job or have a detrimental impact to their wellbeing. On top of the psychological impact, there are also many practical aspects to losing a parent, such as supporting other family members, planning a funeral or clearing out a home, so it’s important to ensure they have the space away from work to do this. Reassure them that their workload is accounted for, for the duration of compassionate leave that they are entitled to or what has been agreed, so there is no pressure for them to return before they feel ready. 

Maintaining boundaries 

It’s important to be supportive whilst avoiding overstepping the boundaries of your role as their manager. Familiarise yourself with resources that you can signpost to, such as any internal support (mental health first aid, EAP), or other organisations. Understand the remit of your role, you are there to support them to be able to do their role safely and effectively; if you feel that

someone needs guidance that falls outside of this, then you should explain that you are not the best person to support them but you will help them to find the most appropriate help. 

Offering the right support 

There are lots of resources available to support people who are grieving. If you have enough information, avoid signposting to generic resources and instead take the time to understand what would be genuinely valuable for your employee. You could base this off the type of loss 

they have experienced (e.g. parent loss), or the difficulties they are experiencing (e.g. financial worries, sleep problems, anxiety). Sharing suggestions that are relevant to their loss is a good way of demonstrating that you have listened to their experience.