What is Mother’s Day - The origin and significance of the day and what that could mean for you and your grief.
Mother’s Day in the UK occurs every year in March and most people will acknowledge this by celebrating their mum in some way. If you’re grieving the loss of your mum, this can be a particularing challenging time and can feel like a cruel reminder that you’re missing out on something: having a Mother, buying Mother’s Day gifts and spending the day with her. Even if you don’t leave your home in the build up, there are countless marketing emails and social media posts that can trigger your GOMO (Grief of Missing Out!), it all seems impossible to avoid. Since my mum’s death in 2022, I have now experienced a few “motherless” Mother’s Days and this year I wondered where the tradition came from and what I’m really missing out on.
The celebration of Mother’s Day in the UK, originally (and sometimes still) referred to as Mothering Sunday, has religious roots that date way back to the 16th century. The date itself changes each year due to its association with Lent, as Mothering Sunday would traditionally be the 4th Sunday during Lent where people would attend their “Mother” Church or Cathedral for a service. Mother, in this instance, refers to the place where an individual was baptised, rather than any affiliation with a person who is a Mother. So, if like me, you’ve often wondered why the date is different each year but have gone along with it anyway, now you know why.
The day itself evolved over the next few centuries but the Church still remained central to the mothering theme and it became a time that families could gather together, often with some people giving gifts (such as wildflowers) to their Mother to honor the day. Learning about the origin of the day was a poignant point of reflection for me, knowing that I am not religious and neither was my Mum, the day doesn’t necessarily hold the same significance for me as it may for someone else. It’s possible that Mother’s Day could become just another day.
Tackling the religious origin for me was one thing, but what about the current cultural and commercial significance it holds? Fast forward to the 20th century, Mothering Sunday increased in relevance for many people as the US announced an official date recognised nationally as “a day to celebrate mothers”, following a young woman named Anna Jarvis, holding a memorial for her Mother on this day. This version is the Mother’s Day that many of us connect with personally and has since formed the blueprint for how we recognise the day. However, I am not American! So, why am I celebrating a holiday in March that actually takes place across the ocean, in May?
The work of Anna Jarvis and subsequently America, inspired a makeover of Mother’s Day in the UK, where the two traditions merged to become a version of what we know today. Retailers in the UK identified and latched onto the commercial potential of the holiday and began to promote it heavily, leading to the celebration being widely recognised across the country by the 1950s. Taking into account gifts, eating out, activities and other purchases, it is now a huge annual event for retailers and businesses. Thinking about my GOMO, I could argue that I’m not missing out on much, if I consider the money saved on Mother’s Day!
This March, you may wish to celebrate Mother’s Day, with, or without your mum, and both options are ok. It is important to do what feels best for you and if the national significance is overwhelming, it’s ok to opt out. Equally, many people have grown up celebrating Mother’s Day and it may feel odd not to do this, even if your mum has died. Continuing traditions can be a great way to connect with your loved one, especially when you are faced with reminders of who you are missing. The evolution of Mothering Sunday over centuries is proof that celebrations are, like grief, nonlinear, fluid and personal and you are not obligated to mark an occasion unless you want to.