Alice’s Story - losing my dad suddenly at 29
My name is Alice and at the age of 29 I very suddenly lost my amazing dad Vaughan at just 57 years old to a huge heart attack.
He was out as he usually was on a Friday night at his local pub with his mates having a laugh and enjoying a few beers. With a pint in his hand he literally fell to sleep and that was it. Doctors said he would have felt no pain - no clutching his chest and shouting for help like you see in the movies. He just went to sleep and never woke up.
I think what I have learned about sudden loss is you are so grateful that they never felt the pain… but you feel the pain so much more. I never got to say goodbye to him, never had that moment to tell him how much I loved him although he knew I loved him so much.
Seeing your parent on the floor helpless, receiving CPR, a room full of paramedics is something that will stay with me forever. Your mind cannot mentally prepare you for what your eyes are seeing and even a year later I think back to that time in complete shock and denial that it never really happened.
I remember coming back from the hospital at about 3am after kissing my dad goodbye for the last time and not wanting the sun to come up! It was the reality of what had just happened, actually feeling real. I felt lost, I was in complete shock and I couldn’t cry. My brain couldn’t remember any of the amazing memories I have with my dad because this wasn’t happening, it wasn’t real.
A year down the line I have learned a lot. I think about my dad every day. Everything I do is to make him proud of me and I am such a stronger person than I was. It has taught me that life really is precious and it can be ripped away from you at any moment. So we have to try and enjoy the little things in life as much as we can. I can now remember the laughs I had with my dad, he was such a funny, caring and gentle giant at 6ft 4 with sleeve tattoos! He lived life to the full because he experienced the same as I am with his dad at just 19 years old.
For anyone experiencing grief you are not alone and how you feel is valid. Grief will never go away. I just have to learn to carry it with me everywhere I go and that’s ok because that means my dad is always with me.